Monday 12 November 2007

New Blog.

The online repository of all knowledge, especially the history of it, has been launched. While it still needs many tweaks, three of the four authors have confirmed participation. The third will be writing about the scandals that avataram's grandfather was involved in --when he was teaching mathematics and lording over tenants in Trichy. The fourth, one hopes, will be the dutiful grandson defending his grandfather's honor.

Sunday 11 November 2007

Dear American voter,

Fight over what you get. Personally. Like a free color TV.


Mount Road Marx

If one had the time, one could have written this yesterday to just check if all was well in the world, the following morning.
The role of Governor Gopalkrishna Gandhi has, for a second time, come under the spotlight. In March 2007, he clearly stepped out of line in publicly airing his philosophical and tactical differences with the State government over Nandigram. He does not seem to have learnt any lessons from that experience and, in fact, his latest speaking out of line has had the effect of adding fuel to the flames. Let us concede that Nandigram represented a situation where the moral urge not to remain silent came into conflict with the restraints imposed by the constitutional office. Yet, of the restraints imposed by the office, there would seem to be little doubt, and a public statement critical of the government’s handling of the issue could not have been made without transgressing them. The Hindu has consistently regarded this as a major question of principle in the constitutional realm. The classic 1867 exposition of the role of the British monarch by Walter Bagehot applies equally to the office of the President and the Governor: “To state the matter shortly, the Sovereign has, under a constitutional monarchy such as ours, three rights — the right to be consulted, the right to encourage, the right to warn. And a king of great sense and sagacity would want no others. He would find that his having no others would enable him to use these with singular effect.” The right to advise and the right to warn are to be exercised in private and in confidence, and not through public statements. This restraint required of the head of state is not a mere constitutional formality but is based on sound democratic principles. In the first place, the head of state must not, through statements critical of its functioning, place himself or herself in conflict with the representative government, which has a greater democratic legitimacy. Secondly, the head of state should appear non-partisan and remain above the fray when controversial and divisive questions are being debated in the political sphere, and avoid any public statements that could give comfort to one side or the other. The Governor’s public statements on Nandigram both challenged the wisdom of the government’s approach and came down on the side of the critics of its action. Further, Mr. Gandhi laid himself open to the charge of remaining silent when the supporters of the Left Front were at the receiving end. His conduct through this crisis has been constitutionally indefensible. Yet the Left Front government must not get distracted by this. Its top priorities must be to re-establish peace, ensure human security, and resume development work in Nandigram. The CPI(M) has a special responsibility in this regard — among other things, to be manifestly fair in its dealings on the ground, and to restrain its cadre from any campaign of reprisal.
This must be the rare case where an entire argument can be condensed into one name: K R Narayanan.

Saturday 10 November 2007

Jaya, the modern day Gangaikonda Cholan

AIADMK should acquire Trinamool and arm them with aruvaal.

Friday 9 November 2007

Dear Bullish Analysts,

The next Prime Minister will be Mayawati.


Wednesday 7 November 2007

Why India works

The bubble is not deflated by Dr Reddy but by some judge in a consumer court.

The good part about having an ineffective system is, ineffectiveness lends itself to growth better than some structured system thought about by a human. The cost is ugliness -- but that's hardly a cost to people and countries already ugly.

Tuesday 6 November 2007

There are rules, you just don't know they exist

When one was 11, one always asked questions like 'Do you want to pick a team and then the Captain or vice-versa'. One even thought one was very clever. One then grew up and realized many things. 15 years later, one has a Dhoni to figure.

Monday 5 November 2007

Puke of the Day

People older than 12 discussing religion make me want to throw up.

About ethics and growth

In a country without a single national identification number to track individuals and their credit, why is a bank employing goons to recover loans, news? Physical intimidation is a much better deterrent against a bubble than bad credit history can ever be.

Sunday 4 November 2007

Puke of the Day

I told you so. Giving an award away has serious consequences.

This post makes one puke at so many different layers. Whether the intent was sarcasm or humor or straight faced reply or a combination of any or all of the above -- the result seems stunningly similar. And, we need to define our middle class person such that half-Bong mongrels don't claim to be one.

Friday 2 November 2007

Why Paul Krugman is P Sainath's idol

The man whose fundamental argument for many years has been, 'I am a Professor at Princeton and you are not', writes,
Let’s start with the facts: Mr. Giuliani’s claim is wrong on multiple levels — bogus numbers wrapped in an invalid comparison embedded in a smear.

Mr. Giuliani got his numbers from a recent article in City Journal, a publication of the conservative Manhattan Institute. The author gave no source for his numbers on five-year survival rates — the probability that someone diagnosed with prostate cancer would still be alive five years after the diagnosis. And they’re just wrong.

You see, the actual survival rate in Britain is 74.4 percent. That still looks a bit lower than the U.S. rate, but the difference turns out to be mainly a statistical illusion. The details are technical, but the bottom line is that a man’s chance of dying from prostate cancer is about the same in Britain as it is in America.

So Mr. Giuliani’s supposed killer statistic about the defects of “socialized medicine” is entirely false. In fact, there’s very little evidence that Americans get better health care than the British, which is amazing given the fact that Britain spends only 41 percent as much on health care per person as we do.
So, yes, the point is, you can't cite statistics without source. Unless, you are Paul Krugman. If you are, you may even go on to argue,
But here’s what I don’t understand: Why isn’t Mr. Giuliani’s behavior here considered not just a case of bad policy analysis but a character issue?

Thursday 1 November 2007

Why Free Market Fundamentalists are Dumb

The movement's mouthpiece, The Economist, says,
How frightening (or inspiring) is this prospect? As our special report explains, the idea that religion has re-emerged in public life is to some extent an illusion. It never really went away—certainly not to the extent that French politicians and American college professors imagined. Its new power is mostly the consequence of two changes. The first is the failure of secular creeds: religion's political comeback started during the 1970s, when faith in government everywhere was crumbling. Second, although some theocracies survive in the Islamic world, religion has returned to the stage as a much more democratic, individualistic affair: a bottom-up marketing success, surprisingly in tune with globalisation. Secularism was not as modern as many intellectuals imagined, but pluralism is. Free up religion and ardent believers and ardent atheists both do well.
Unless there is deep thought and an unwavering belief in Him, we are doomed.

Wednesday 31 October 2007

Dear Film Critic,

I understand you are not very bright. Actually, not even average. Or, just below. Had you been any of that, you would have become an Engineer, like the rest of us. And had a regular job type thing. So, by definition, you cannot write a brilliant review. But that's alright. The rest of us aren't very intelligent either and we don't mind mediocrity -- even by our standards.

However, when you take yourself and your silly job that exists because newspapers and TV channels need to fill space and time, seriously -- there is a simple rule: You stay relevant within the layer you just defined for yourself. Just like the movie is expected to stay logical within its structure. In other words, one does not compare Annamalai and some obscure Eastern European movie -- Annamalai is brilliant because it is Annamalai.

Or, stop saying 'No Smoking' is a bad movie because you have decided that the masses will not be entertained or that the director is self indulgent in your opinion. I have a feeling, you basically belong to the camp that says 'Lost Highway' is a great padam but 'No Smoking' is not, because the former was called a great padam by some clever crtic (who was also white). Not that you can't or shouldn't -- but don't.


How to win awards and prizes #21

Argue thus: I am jealous. Therefore, you should not.

Peru vechhaye, soru vechhaya?

Generally, the monetary policy statement cannot be faulted insofar as it provides for a respective measure of increase of credit. It recognises the problems posed by the appreciating rupee, albeit in a casual way, but it does not promise any remedial action. The monetary policy statement is more significant for what it has apparently in store for the future.
Is the Op-Ed page a meal or is that mint too? Kadasila saapade kadayatha?

Tuesday 30 October 2007

Someone should tell these geniuses that the absence of diversity does not necessarily mean the presence of discrimination. Asking for a normal distribution of demographic detail is akin to mocking evolution. Think deeply and send your certificates to Seattle.

No Smoking

Go watch it.

I did not understand it fully, though I am blaming that on my Hindi. I have a feeling it's a very very good movie.

About Decision Makers

If you want to know the reason a Democracy elects whom it does, attend a strategy meeting in any given company.

Sunday 28 October 2007

Thanks to this boy's photographs and Google Gadget, life isn't as bad as I had imagined it to be.

In fact, I am not even dead these days.

Saturday 27 October 2007

Ban Private News Channels

Watching Harinder Baweja on TV made me wish DD I was still the only Television News available.

And, naturally, I checked the Tehelka website. Exhibit A.

Puke of the Day

What happens when you roll Amit Varma and Jagadguru into one? Sex change.

PS: Apparently, it's not necessarily a change in gender. Right-wingers: check.

Friday 26 October 2007

Virtues of a True Devotee

The number of 'I's in one's write-up should be greater than the number of sentences written.

Because, by I, you mean He.
Paddle faster, I hear banjo music.

Thursday 25 October 2007

About Awards and Prizes

This is most annoying. Actually, not. Giving away a meaningless award is the surest way to make one take himself even more seriously.

After all, the world needs more Jagadgurus. And Al Gores.

Wednesday 24 October 2007

Global Cooling


Jonny would have been so happy. He even thought the stripper was charmed.

Tuesday 23 October 2007

Puke Help

I have decided to hate this woman. Reasons invited.

Monday 22 October 2007

Recursion, Science & He

If you doubt Science, chances are, you will doubt Him. I challenge you to understand what He means[1]. If you cannot, your only reasonable option is to believe in Him.

[1] -- Just so that you understand how mysterious His ways are, the permalink is not valid. Only the true believers in Him and therefore Science can access the post. Others may read the second post in the main page.

Saturday 20 October 2007

Thathhuvam #151

When the toll fee exceeds the cost of food, one understands one should not go to Krishnagiri for lunch.

Thursday 18 October 2007

Why Racism is a good thing

Unfair discrimination exists whether we like it or not; I wouldn’t have married a gum-chewing vegetarian. Ultimately, we’ll help the people we discriminate against if we try to understand more about them; genetics will lead to a world where there is a sympathy for the underdog.
People who may get arrested because they called Andrew Symonds a monkey, should be ashamed of themselves for not feeling sorry for him.

Wednesday 17 October 2007

Attention Investment Bankers etc.

Wanted: A derivative of derivatives.

(If you can't think of any, treat your wife as such).

PS: Suddenly, the irritating boys who insist on asking what the geometric significance of a second order derivative is, will have a large Gujju woman to contend with.

PPS: Yeah, it's not really funny if you did not learn Calculus in a room which also had Dhyanesh.

PPPS: Since we are in a Dhyanesh mood anyway, if there is a valid fourth order derivative and it turns to out to be 0, can we take that Gujju woman to be at her maxima then?

PPPPS: I know, but did the Tamil hatred for maxi start here?

Katrathu Tamil

Watch the spectacle of a wonderful story being mercilessly butchered by bad screenplay, cliched dialog writing, poor editing and atrocious casting.

Tuesday 16 October 2007

The Chief Strategist

When one is employed to strategize, one feels compelled to.

Monday 15 October 2007

Puke of the Day II

There is a reason why people are boring. That, precisely, is the reason they should not attempt satire. Or whatever the fuck this is.

Sunday 14 October 2007

Puke of the Day

If you wonder why Amit Varma is a rock star, this may help,
We live in an open economy where you make or break your life. Instead of deriving inspiration from someone like Ambani, what this movie tries to say is that the poor guy who throws stones at Ambani's car is actually a good guy and it's the society that's responsible for all inequalities. When a movie promotes such arrogantly foolish ideas, everybody ends up paying. If such ideas click, it will lead to a downward spiral. It is in light of such misguided but talented directors like Ram Subbu, filmmakers like Maniratnam appear like visionaries, like gods. In a society which has had a stream of movies that have always portrayed the working class as good and oppressed and the ruling class as villains, Maniratnams's 'Guru' is really a towering achievement. It clearly says: 'The world is waiting for you. Go ahead and make your life'. 'Kathradhu Thamizh' is the kind of movie I would NOT want most of our teenagers or anyone without original thinking to see.
Murder, such idiots remind us, is pure.

Tuesday 9 October 2007

Heard on TV

You are not in the market to develop a beautiful spreadsheet but to make money.
In other words, sell, people.

Sunday 7 October 2007

Paul Krugman, Sharma Varma, Nilu etc

Amidst the political drama in Karnataka and a strike that wasn’t really a Bandh in Tamil Nadu, the Indian National Congress has revealed the underlying reason for all this unfolding of excitement. Dr Manmohan Singh has accepted “Rahul Gandhi’s suggestion” to extend the ‘The National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme’ across all districts in the country. It certainly will be interesting to see if this signals that the young Mr. Gandhi will be the next Congress candidate for Prime Minister.

The ordinary citizen has very little control or claim over what are essentially internal dynamics in the Congress party. However, it does make me jealous that Mr. Gandhi gets to use my tax money to buy his way into possibly becoming the next Prime Minister. Democracies do have a strange way of sanctioning what would otherwise be counted for corruption – election promises. This was the reason Economists from a generation ago thought Democracies would run chronic deficit budgets – they argued, those in power will stay in it only if they provide the pleasure of public spending beyond the means that taxation allowed.

This situation is only made worse in developing countries like India. The socio-economic conditions that exist in societies such as ours make it impossible to have an electoral plank that does not indulge in competitive populism. We have seen free rice, power, TV and very many things. People, it appears, expect to sate their ‘corporate advertising fuelled hunger’ by trading their votes. A politician who promises fiscal prudence in India has to either be an idiot or be absolutely sure of his caste calculations.

In fact, a curious outcome of competitive populism has been: states that have better delivery mechanisms are caught worse in the vicious cycle. Consider Kerala and Tamil Nadu – two of the most advanced states in the country, in terms of many socio economic indicators. Perhaps because of this, or in spite of this, the indicators of governance are also relatively better evolved in these states when compared to others. And, one has a Communist government and the other is ruled by a coalition that won the elections on a promise of cheap rice and free color television sets. When was the last time anything like this was a poll plank in Bihar? I am tempted to assume, the inability of the government to deliver – even on a bribe to the electorate -- is a fiscal blessing in a casteist and chaotic disguise.

Inefficient governments do serve a purpose. They are not good enough to implement their own bad policies. This, in my opinion, has been the biggest reason for India to do reasonably well in certain restricted pockets; assuming, we overlook the vast majority of areas where India has performed miserably. Corruption, another weapon to combat bad policy, is perhaps that invisible lubricant supporting everything. For every meaningless government regulation, there is always a pliant government employee at the right price. This begins from the most trivial of things: the lane system in Mount Road, Madras that I had written about a few months ago is no longer implemented; though sign boards to that effect exist. I am not sure if we have the inefficiency or corruption of the Police to thank for this.

Yes, the states that have been mentioned here are doing much better than those in North India. Some might even argue, the reason they have been doing better is because of the very schemes dubbed populist – the mid-day meal scheme in schools comes readily to mind. While there is no doubt that some of what is being accused as a bribe eventually does what many would have desired anyway, the method leaves the taxpayer disillusioned. Not to mention, jealous too – when those born into certain families get to use the money to buy power.

A fair suggestion seems to be: make tax payments benchmarked to specific projects. The other more desirable and less likely option is – reduce the size and the appetite of the government.


Saturday 6 October 2007

Puke of the Day

Paul Krugman has something to say about jokes and jokers. Amit Varma makes more sense[1].

When one has nothing to say, one should not. But then.

[1] -- Wait, Paul, for all his idiotic statements, is not ignorant. I'd rather read him.

Thursday 4 October 2007

An Irrationally Exuberant Tribute

Bumper stickers, Robert Schiller, idiot TV anchors and many many people have tried to use the phrase that the evil capitalist Alan Greenspan came up with. Now, the gold standard has been set[1],
I think that a good liberal is one who criticizes irrational exuberance even if it comes from other fellow liberals.
Mysterious may be His ways; the outcome, is always the same. Yet, stunning.

[1] -- I don't know why He refuses to accept our links. We shall overcome this by sheer devotion.

Wednesday 22 August 2007

He said he wanted to have kids.

Surely, one's own fetish for the irrelevance of dichotomy forces one to not frown. And then, there is a realization. The irrelevant dichotomy between having and not arises only when one crosses the layer which even makes the two possibilities visible. One can after all frown -- assuming the shield of recursion works for layers above and beyond.

Life, after all, is so beautifully useless.

Sunday 19 August 2007

Puke of the Day

“A Country is Not a Company,” argued Paul Krugman in a celebrated 1996 paper published in the Harvard Business Review. He made the point that “the style of thinking necessary for economic analysis is very different from that which leads to success in business” and further that a failure to understand this can lead to disastrous mistakes. The economist in Dr. Singh needs to realise that arguments drawing from ‘decarbonising the economy’ exercises done in the Planning Commission combining with ill-founded ambitions of becoming a great power by becoming the sole superpower’s camp follower are likely to flop in the democratic political arena. It may be perfectly true that the Bharatiya Janata Party is the co-progenitor of this nuclear deal. But the reality is that the principal opposition party has aggressively attacked the deal as a sell-out of national interests, and specifically of the country’s ambition of developing “a minimum credible nuclear deterrent.” Its leaders are salivating at the thought of this Congress-led regime falling on so sensitive an issue. As important politically is the nature of opposition from the Communist Party of India (Marxist) and its left partners whose bloc of 61 MPs provide life support for the UPA government. The CPI(M) has made it clear that it has serious problems with some of the specifics of the 123 read along with the Hyde Act and has asked the government not to go ahead even with the next step towards operationalisation. But its larger political objection is that the nuclear deal is part of a strategic alliance with the U.S. encompassing political, economic, and military aspects; and therefore has “adverse consequences for an independent foreign policy, sovereignty, and the economic interests of the people.” And the Manmohan Singh regime knows it will get no quarter from the recently formed ‘third force’ bloc, the UNPA.
This is from a newspaper that wrote an equally long editorial claiming that the technical aspects of the agreement were favorable to India. What makes this editorial even more funny is, the opinion piece across the page is written by a certain Prakash Karat. Just so that you don't forget, the editors of this glorious newspaper on August 6th, 2007, wrote:
As for the other BJP objection that the 123 agreement will cripple India’s strategic programme, the less said the better. A non-hindrance clause incorporated in Article 2.4 ensures that the development of India’s unsafeguarded or military nuclear facilities will not be hindered or interfered with in any way. There is nothing in the 123 that takes away India’s sovereign right to conduct nuclear explosive tests, or enlarge its nuclear arsenal should it choose to do so. The problem, if anything, is the opposite of what the BJP suggests: thus accommodated in a U.S.-led unequal global nuclear bargain, India may be even less inclined than it is today to pursue the goal of universal disarmament.
I'd rather read Sudhish Kamath writing something about straight men, gay men and their nightmares.

Wednesday 15 August 2007

Monday 13 August 2007

KANK 2 - King ANd Krish

As if KANK 1 wasn't enough, we have another KANK 2 to outdo the first one. Presenting King ANd Krish in a podcast.

King: First of all, I'd like to welcome you to King's Podcast. I'd like to tell you that I have been very keen on interviewing you for a long time. It's been my dream, and I am very excited that it's finally happening. In fact our listeners are very excited too. They all want to sign up on your SameBed page.

Krish: That's wonderful. However, I must tell you that I will trash any right wing fundamentalist listener.

King: Sure no problem. How would you like to proceed? Should I ask you my well-drafted questions that I have noted it down.

Krish: Only if you have it noted down on Open Software. Otherwise you are a Monopolist.

King: Actually I am using paper.

Krish: You fundamentalist. Do you want to destroy all forests in India?

King: No, no.

Krish: Anyhow I'd like to speak about Kerala Porn Industry. I have noticed that people in North India have protested against the sheer monopoly Kerala has in bad porn. I they are morons. Kerala does not have a monopoly. Government intervention has successfully ensured that. The real problem is something else.

King: And that is?

Krish: People don't like that the Kerala Porn Industry is unionized. They are all anti-commie. But the real problem is even more complicated.

King: I am shooore avar listeners are very keen. Do go on.

Krish: The problem is that they think that the Kerala Porn Industry focuses on left testicles and left boobs too much. Since these morons are right wingers they want more weightage for right testicles and right boobs. I am not against a free market. But I don't think porn should have a right wing approach to it. Left testicle is more important. My own left testicle is proof.

King: How?

Krish: Because I don't have a right testicle. Only right winger morons have right testicles.

King: What if they have both?

Krish: Then they are monopolists. And they are morons too.

Wednesday 8 August 2007

Blog Wars: Return of the Retard

I've been an agnostic most of my life, not quite ready to completely give up God on the minor chance that She actually exists.

My faith has now been completely destroyed. Because there is no way that a loving God would inflict such pain and suffering on us humans.

I am talking of course about the new video talk show of the blogosphere's beloved retard, Krish.
If that link doesn't work, copy paste this URL:

I am giving you fair warning. If you thought his blog posts were bad, this is several times worse. His accent and his logic makes one feel like handing out awards for oratory to the likes of K Srikanth and Venkatesh Prasad.

So on one side, we have the King with his show, and on the other we have the Jagadguru with his crap. How can there possibly be a merciful God up there?

(I feel like driving a high-heeled shoe through the ankle of the person who sent me the link to that post.)

Saturday 28 July 2007

Contemplating is painful. Action, excruciating. Simply because, one can always pretend the contemplation was otherwise. Consequences, or the lack of it, make the angst of contemplation pale in comparison. In other words, that there is never a reason insults. In the warped way of recursion that futility reserves for the truly futile. And one realizes, deleting one's blog because one thought one had nothing to say was worse. Only to be traumatized by the use of the comparative and wonder why.

So, after the why and the why not, here is what I intend to do. Build a history of Western of Philosophy from the ground up, sticking with chronology to the extent possible. Anyone interested in contributing will be invited as an author. Or, write an email.

If you want to point to already built structures, I'd like to ask you read this post again.

Friday 27 July 2007

When one writes, one should either make sense or be funny. Else, one ends up like this.

Yes, we all want to shag you too

Patrix wants you to take a poll on the most pressing issue facing the planet: can we ever have world peace?

Or maybe I didn't read that right the first time. Let's look again.

Goddamit, this is what it actually says:

That brings up an important question that I wanted to ask y’all - do you ever click on my bookmarks that sit right at the top of my homepage? Please vote in the attached poll so that I can decide if it is even worth consuming prime real estate.

Hey, where's the poll asking people to decide if Patrix is worth him consuming resources on this planet? There ought to be one.

Dude, contrary to what some doctors say, this much masturbation isn't healthy. It will start to chafe after a while. And asking your readers to stroke your schlong as well? That's just wrong!

Thursday 26 July 2007

Krish, the only Truth

Amit Varma has finally accepted Krish into his heart. And head.
Two interesting trends began in the 1990s, when we began to globalize and satellite TV spread across the country. One, fewer people in the big cities played cricket seriously. Kids in Mumbai and Delhi had many more options for their time, and a young man in Thane now had better things to do than rush off to Shivaji Park at 6 am for nets. The decline of cricket in Mumbai was a natural consequence.

Two, kids in the small towns, who didn’t have so many ways of entertaining themselves, were exposed to the nuances of the game via satellite television, where the best commentators shared their gyan on matches across the world. Their opportunities expanded as these towns became more prosperous. The result of this is the deluge of talented players from the smaller towns over the last few years.

My guess is that viewership for cricket follows the same patterns. People in bigger cities have less free time and more to do in it, a phenomenon that is bound to spread to smaller centres. Eventually, as cricket has declined in Mumbai, it might decline in India as well.
Only He can equal Himself.

Dear Feminist,

I know I can't afford to piss you off. More often than not, I will want to get into your pants and therefore, your good books. However, I have a question. It has been bothering me for a while. If a woman is dressed like a tramp and I call her a tramp, am I going against your philosophy?

I am sure you'd say I should not judge people by their clothes. I don't.


Wednesday 25 July 2007

Compulsive Confessional Puke of the day

I'm told there are actually people who read this crazy woman's blog. If you're one of those people, consider yourself already puked on. Just from reading some of her blog comments, her two main reader types are a) horny virginal nerdy boys who unfortunately will remain that way till their arranged marriage and b) deranged ultra-feminists who think that writing bold but crappy posts about sex is a decent substitute for actually using one's cerebrum.

Seriously honey, what you're looking for is not a boyfriend. What you're looking for is another thing... what is it... oh yeah - a miracle!

She has such gems as:

Must think I am a Literary Genius

OK, I need not write anything here. Please read her blog and have yourself a good laugh.

Should be open to smoking in bed.

'Cause everyone just lurvvves kissing an ashtray.

Must find habits that even my best friends roll their eyes at "endearing".

Ah, an insane man to support your delusions. (Men, please don't forget to lie when asked, "do I look pretty"?)

But on the other hand, must not be too fashion savvy either, because that's just gay.

Because everyone knows that if you're fashion savvy, you MUST be gay.

Must be creative enough to fabricate a lovely and romantic present out of dried macaroni, sparkles and glue.

Would it be acceptable if we used the glue to seal your mouth shut, the sparkles to make you look prettier than the fugly woman you are (people who have seen her in the real world, you know what I'm talkin' about!), and just used the macaroni for dinner?

and lastly...

Must be passionate about something--like, I don't know, painting, or writing or xboxes.

Xboxes! Xboxes! Horny virginal nerdy boy readers of the site, rejoice! There is a ray of hope for you yet!

Maybe one day, we will see the technology where you will will be able to enter these requirements into a computer and have it automatically create this Italian well-dressed hunk who will love you like a Mills & Boon novel story while being a lunatic, all at the same time. I wouldn't keep my fingers crossed though.

But hey, I hear that the blogger Amit Varma is fantasizing about cows wearing lingerie. Perhaps you could show him some of yours?

Before you people ask who I am, the name is Golu. Mail can be sent to

Tuesday 24 July 2007

American blowjob

Having decided to blow America, I wonder what this boy will do if America were female[1].

[1] -- It's a pity some people use the same term analogously for both genders.

Puke of the Day

This woman has decided that she is the voice of all women because jobless folks click on her blog
What kept me going was the tremendous support I got from my husband, our families, friends, even virtual well-wishers who were following my personal blog; and the realization that my personal fight had come to mean something more. There were women friends rooting for me. They were logging in to check for blog updates from Chennai, Delhi, Malaysia, Maryland, New York and Perth. I had become a symbol of sorts. If I stopped fighting, sold out or gave in, it would shatter a little bit of hope. In the ocean of women fighting so battles—big and small—I had become a drop.
And can someone please explain what 'support from family' means? Family enna bra va?

Monday 23 July 2007

Theology and social order

The dietary laws of kashrut are designed to differentiate and distance the observant person from the rest of the world. When followed precisely, as I learned growing up, they accomplish exactly that. Every bite requires categorization into permitted and prohibited, milk or meat. To follow these laws, to analyze each ingredient in each food that comes into your purview, is to construct the world in terms of the rules borne by those who keep kosher. The category of the unkosher comes unconsciously to apply not only to foods that fall outside the rules but also to the people who eat that food — which is to say, almost everyone in the world, whether Jewish or not. You cannot easily break bread with them, but that is not all. You cannot, in a deeper sense, participate with them in the common human activity of restoring the body through food.
Noah Feldman, in this sometimes AYM GRAMD sometimes beautiful essay reminds me of an easier option. Just call the others non-brahmins.

Sunday 22 July 2007

Notes on a Sunday

Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. The intense joy often gives rise to a panic attack and unbearable anxiety from the sixth minute. There is a fear. That this beautiful blinding orgasm is about to get over shortly. An emptiness engulfs, waking one up to existential questions that result in road rage. The Ninth is most dangerous when driving. And, most potent too. One often promises distances to oneself. Motivation to drive in Madras isn't easy to find -- unless, that is the only time you listen to the Ninth and is therefore the best part of your day.

When the woman one is interested in tells him about something, one is driven to it. Regardless of the said thing being an ordinary play about ordinary people in a North Indian college. Worse, being staged at Music Academy without the usual parking arrangement in the nearby school. A friend who lives close is a good option. The bad play though, has its effect. Equal to the friend's compound wall on metal.

Being driven to absolute rage is obviously the moment when the Ninth sounds its glorious best. One thanks the woman for having provided the greatest orgasm without even meeting.

Why I don't have anything to say

She tells me I should write. I ask her why. She tells me this Varma Sharma boy needs a fucking mirror. I ask her why. She tells me I should write.

Friday 20 July 2007


Type 1: Smart, spread legs, break one's heart
Type 2: Spread legs
One often wonders why mankind never learns; then one realizes, learning makes the futility unbearable.

Tuesday 17 July 2007

I haven't been this sad in long.

That reminds me, why the world is what it is. Or why this blog was what it was.

Sunday 8 July 2007

Hawkeye can't decide line calls

I cannot believe I am actually doing this.

In the fourth set of the final, a Nadal 'winner' was decided to be that. Because, Rafa challenged the call otherwise. A review by the Hawkeye System predictably left Federer agitated. So was I. For twin reasons. As a Fed fan first and secondly, as someone who worked for Hawkeye a while, I cannot believe it is being used to judge such line calls.

Two things,

1. The spatial analysis does not result in an absolutely error free result for the x1, y1 of the ball at time time t1. This is just for camera 1. There are at least 6 cameras and the error simply gets added with each camera.

2. Secondly, the system's output gives a graphic. This simulates the ball at a pre-determined size. Which, at the time I was working, looked to be the most logical thing to do. Especially since I was working on the cricket software and the game was played with a hard ball. Now, when one determines the size of the ball and uses it to determine line calls in a Tennis match, it's plain ridiculous. Well, I did not realize it was when I was at it -- since the approximation appeared natural. But watching the game reminds you -- the tennis ball does not keep its full size on impact. It is a soft ball. To extrapolate it to its full size, on top of error 1 and then decide line calls, in Wimbledon finals, is stupid. I have no other word for it.

3. All this would have still worked fine had the laws of the game not been so idiotic to say -- even a nanometer of the line being caught by ball is good enough. That's a margin the system can't handle. In my experience, 15% of the ball size would be possible. But that is for a hard ball. For a soft ball, leave it to the line umpire.

4. Sorry Paul.

Friday 22 June 2007

On Diets

Something tells me this post will be immensely popular with fat readers. The image of the King skinny dipping is enough to put anyone off food for months.

If it isn't enough - let me help you with the image. Imagine the King, with his dark, rowing-taut thighs bouncing in the water. Actually, go ahead and imagine other taut things bouncing too. Now, try and eat.

Thursday 21 June 2007


I am not thick-skinned enough to run RH. Moreover, it's really boring without Nilu around here.
If it was dead boring, then we'd be closer to something.

A Question

Nilu is just very bored. Or maybe he's just sleepy.
He'll be back soon. There is too much in the world to puke at.

Meanwhile, should I continue holding the PukeFort or not?

I am essentially a nudist. But this nudist needs an audience. No fun in getting naked if no one's around to watch. The risk of being naked and cooking at the same time is all the more prohibitive.