Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Compulsive Confessional Puke of the day

I'm told there are actually people who read this crazy woman's blog. If you're one of those people, consider yourself already puked on. Just from reading some of her blog comments, her two main reader types are a) horny virginal nerdy boys who unfortunately will remain that way till their arranged marriage and b) deranged ultra-feminists who think that writing bold but crappy posts about sex is a decent substitute for actually using one's cerebrum.

Seriously honey, what you're looking for is not a boyfriend. What you're looking for is another thing... what is it... oh yeah - a miracle!

She has such gems as:

Must think I am a Literary Genius

OK, I need not write anything here. Please read her blog and have yourself a good laugh.


Should be open to smoking in bed.

'Cause everyone just lurvvves kissing an ashtray.


Must find habits that even my best friends roll their eyes at "endearing".

Ah, an insane man to support your delusions. (Men, please don't forget to lie when asked, "do I look pretty"?)


But on the other hand, must not be too fashion savvy either, because that's just gay.

Because everyone knows that if you're fashion savvy, you MUST be gay.


Must be creative enough to fabricate a lovely and romantic present out of dried macaroni, sparkles and glue.

Would it be acceptable if we used the glue to seal your mouth shut, the sparkles to make you look prettier than the fugly woman you are (people who have seen her in the real world, you know what I'm talkin' about!), and just used the macaroni for dinner?

and lastly...

Must be passionate about something--like, I don't know, painting, or writing or xboxes.

Xboxes! Xboxes! Horny virginal nerdy boy readers of the site, rejoice! There is a ray of hope for you yet!


Maybe one day, we will see the technology where you will will be able to enter these requirements into a computer and have it automatically create this Italian well-dressed hunk who will love you like a Mills & Boon novel story while being a lunatic, all at the same time. I wouldn't keep my fingers crossed though.

But hey, I hear that the blogger Amit Varma is fantasizing about cows wearing lingerie. Perhaps you could show him some of yours?


Before you people ask who I am, the name is Golu. Mail can be sent to golumail@gmail.com

86 comments:

Anonymous said...

What has this woman done to piss you off, man?

anantha said...

Long long ago, there was a indhi pada hero, who once gave me nightmares via Superhit Muqabala. Anyways he was Vivek Mushran and channeling him, I will ask you this - Yeh Golu Golu kya hiiiii?

Nilu said...

Who is this Golu and why is he/she so idiotic? alo, there are standards to kept when puking ba...

Anonymous said...

Nilu has penis envy, perhaps?

zen babu said...

Nilu doesn't know who Golu is. Golu pukes at a woman most desrving of puke. Nilu pukes everywhere, while maintainig standards. Recursive Hypocrisy is back.

Anonymous said...

This Golu person sucks!

GasquetFan said...

I am already working on a slightly different technology similar to Mysterio's in XMen to clone the worlds most beautiful woman - Alexandra Ivanovskaya.

Poison Ivy said...

New Avatar?
I am already in love with Golu!

doubtinggaurav said...

Golu is Nilu's pukechild....

Anonymous said...

golu ......your parents are gaaandu & ullooo

krishnan said...

Kickass post. Whoever you are, YOU ROCK.

Gaurav said...

Considering all the anti-golu comments here, I take it RH's biggest constituency is virginal nerdy boys.

Gaurav said...

gasquetfan, you actually fantasize about someone other than Gasquet? Your parents will be very happy. The person you fantasize about is a woman? They will be even happier.[1]

[1] - courtesy nagesh k

GasquetFan said...

I don't fantasise about Gasquet, just his tennis. I am going to develop this technology. Because it is easier and interesting than to talk to women. And it should be better than the dolls out there. Now I will have to learn some material science and some biotechnology.

And in the meantime I can watch Gasquet win the Golden Grand Slam next year as Federer wonders dumbstruck why he didn't get into Gasquet's mind when he had the chance and becomes a Nadal clone to complement the popular feeling that there can be only one 'greatest' player in tennis.

Gaurav said...

And when Gasquet wins even a single grandslam next year, you can celebrate by purchasing a flying pink elephant.

GasquetFan said...

:-)
Ok. I will pay only for the elephant. Not for the Airbus that carries it. Actually Gasquet will pay for it.

sue said...

Great job and a good theme. And thanks for the mention.

Deepa said...

Golu = a woman.

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